questionnaire lady

I met a lady today who was recruiting “psychiatric technicians” for Vista Health. Her demeanor was self-important. Her jokes were in bad taste.

I was looking at an ‘Are You Depressed?’ questionnaire. She said, “of course if those symptoms fit you then you should probably be a patient instead of working for us.”

I smiled to myself as I imagined either passing or failing. I’d be in powerful need of guidance or I’d be a more questionnaire-lady shade of normal. The almighty little test would make my decision. I also smiled because I knew she hadn’t glimpsed even the tiniest flicker of mental instability in me; the weak-minded are not at all perceptive.

I also imagined her gaze upon some perpetually altered and reprimanded young boy. She’d tell no jokes. She wouldn’t even smile when he took his cup full of pills. At the end of the day she’d know she’s done some good. She’ll rub her feet and sigh like any abnormal person, saying ‘honey pour me some tea.’

With all the anxiety in my brain, I met her gaze and easily respected her cause. I told her that I was interested in the behavioral side of the medical field. In reality, I am only interested in dropping hope into those little boy ears. I am only interested in the possibility of instigating a protective reaction—the kind of provocation that might cause him to reclaim his mind.

Some of us dream wildly at night. Our routines never devour our natural ambitions. When we come home from work we take time to rediscover the animal inside. It wants to kill and be killed, no matter how you try to rationalize. Feed your spirit because it is hungry. It won’t always be kind and it is rarely comfortable, but if you try it will lay down beside you.

There are others out there like me; people who need to be told that their feelings are ok. Sometimes one voice can be audible among the many comfortable characters. Those who never hurt, never hear and never heal are everywhere, but their sounds are carried away on the wind forever. But your mind desires eternal life, my friend. It wasn’t designed for this realm.